Happy Bloomsday
STATELY, PLUMP BUCK MULLIGAN CAME FROM THE STAIRHEAD,
bearing
a
bowl
of
lather
on
which
a
mirror
and
a
razor
lay
crossed.
A
yellow
dressing
gown,
ungirdled,
was
sustained
gently-behind
him
by
the
mild
morning
air.
He
held
the
bowl
aloft
and
intoned:
--
Introibo
ad
altare
Dei.
Halted,
he
peered
down
the
dark
winding
stairs
and
called
up
coarsely:
--
Come
up,
Kinch.
Come
up,
you
fearful
jesuit.
Solemnly
he
came
forward
and
mounted
the
round
gunrest.
He
faced
about
and
blessed
gravely
thrice
the
tower,
the
surrounding
country
and
the
awaking
mountains.
Then,
catching
sight
of
Stephen
Dedalus,
he
bent
towards
him
and
made
rapid
crosses
in
the
air,
gurgling
in
his
throat
and
shaking
his
head.
Stephen
Dedalus,
displeased
and
sleepy,
leaned
his
arms
on
the
top
of
the
staircase
and
looked
coldly
at
the
shaking
gurgling
face
that
blessed
him,
equine
in
its
length,
and
at
the
light
untonsured
hair,
grained
and
hued
like
pale
oak.
Buck
Mulligan
peeped
an
instant
under
the
mirror
and
then
covered
the
bowl
smartly.
--
Back
to
barracks,
he
said
sternly.
He
added
in
a
preacher's
tone:
--
For
this,
O
dearly
beloved,
is
the
genuine
Christine:
body
and
soul
and
blood
and
ouns.
Slow
music,
please.
Shut
your
eyes,
gents.
One
moment.
A
little
trouble
about
those
white
corpuscles.
Silence,
all.
He
peered
sideways
up
and
gave
a
long
low
whistle
of
call,
then
paused
awhile
in
rapt
attention,
his
even
white
teeth
glistening
here
and
there
with
gold
points.
Chrysostomos.
Two
strong
shrill
whistles
answered
through
the
calm.
--
Thanks,
old
chap,
he
cried
briskly.
That
will
do
nicely.
Switch
off
the
current,
will
you?
He
skipped
off
the
gunrest
and
looked
gravely
at
his
watcher,
gathering
about
his
legs
the
loose
folds
of
his
gown.
The
plump
shadowed
face
and
sullen
oval
jowl
recalled
a
prelate,
patron
of
arts
in
the
middle
ages.
A
pleasant
smile
broke
quietly
over
his
lips.
--
The
mockery
of
it,
he
said
gaily.
Your
absurd
name,
an
ancient
Greek.
He
pointed
his
finger
in
friendly
jest
and
went
over
to
the
parapet,
laughing
to
himself.
Stephen
Dedalus
stepped
up,
followed
him
wearily
half
way
and
sat
down
on
the
edge
of
the
gunrest,
watching
him
still
as
he
propped
his
mirror
on
the
parapet,
dipped
the
brush
in
the
bowl
and
lathered
cheeks
and
neck.
Buck
Mulligan's
gay
voice
went
on.
--
My
name
is
absurd
too:
Malachi
Mulligan,
two
dactyls.
But
it
has
a
Hellenic
ring,
hasn't
it?
Tripping
and
sunny
like
the
buck
himself.
We
must
go
to
Athens.
Will
you
come
if
I
can
get
the
aunt
to
fork
out
twenty
quid?
He
laid
the
brush
aside
and,
laughing
with
delight,
cried:
--
Will
he
come?
The
jejune
jesuit.
Ceasing,
he
began
to
shave
with
care.
--
Tell
me,
Mulligan,
Stephen
said
quietly.
--
Yes,
my
love?
--
How
long
is
Haines
going
to
stay
in
this
tower?
Buck
Mulligan
showed
a
shaven
cheek
over
his
right
shoulder.
--
God,
isn't
he
dreadful?
he
said
frankly.
A
ponderous
Saxon.
He
thinks
you're
not
a
gentleman.
God,
these
bloody
English.
Bursting
with
money
and
indigestion.
Because
he
comes
from
Oxford.
You
know,
Dedalus;
you
have
the
real
Oxford
manner.
He
can't
make
you
out.
O,
my
name
for
you
is
the
best:
Kinch,
the
knife-blade.
He
shaved
warily
over
his
chin.
--
He
was
raving
all
night
about
a
black
panther,
Stephen
said.
Where
is
his
guncase?
--
A
woful
lunatic,
Mulligan
said.
Were
you
in
a
funk?
--
I
was,
Stephen
said
with
energy
and
growing
fear.
Out
here
in
the
dark
with
a
man
I
don't
know
raving
and
moaning
to
himself
about
shooting
a
black
panther.
You
saved
men
from
drowning.
I'm
not
a
hero,
however.
If
he
stays
on
here
I
am
off.
Buck
Mulligan
frowned
at
the
lather
on
his
razorblade.
He
hopped
down
from
his
perch
and
began
to
search
his
trouser
pockets
hastily.
--
Scutter,
he
cried
thickly.
He
came
over
to
the
gunrest
and,
thrusting
a
hand
into
Stephen's
upper
pocket,
said:
--
Lend
us
a
loan
of
your
noserag
to
wipe
my
razor.
Stephen
suffered
him
to
pull
out
and
hold
up
on
show
by
its
corner
a
dirty
crumpled
handkerchief.
Buck
Mulligan
wiped
the
razorblade
neatly.
Then,
gazing
over
the
handkerchief,
he
said:
--
The
bard's
noserag.
A
new
art
colour
for
our
Irish
poets:
snotgreen.
You
can
almost
taste
it,
can't
you?
He
mounted
to
the
parapet
again
and
gazed
out
over
Dublin
bay,
his
fair
oakpale
hair
stirring
slightly.
--
God,
he
said
quietly.
Isn't
the
sea
what
Algy
calls
it:
a
grey
sweet
mother?
The
snotgreen
sea.
The
scrotumtightening
sea.
Epi
oinopa
ponton.
Ah,
Dedalus,
the
Greeks.
I
must
teach
you.
You
must
read
them
in
the
original.
Thalatta!
Thalatta!
She
is
our
great
sweet
mother.
Come
and
look.
Stephen
stood
up
and
went
over
to
the
parapet.
Leaning
on
it
he
looked
down
on
the
water
and
on
the
mailboat
clearing
the
harbour
mouth
of
Kingstown.
--
Our
mighty
mother,
Buck
Mulligan
said.
He
turned
abruptly
his
great
searching
eyes
from
the
sea
to
Stephen's
face.
--
The
aunt
thinks
you
killed
your
mother,
he
said.
That's
why
she
won't
let
me
have
anything
to
do
with
you.
--
Someone
killed
her,
Stephen
said
gloomily.
--
You
could
have
knelt
down,
damn
it,
Kinch,
when
your
dying
mother
asked
you,
Buck
Mulligan
said.
I'm
hyperborean
as
much
as
you.
But
to
think
of
your
mother
begging
you
with
her
last
breath
to
kneel
down
and
pray
for
her.
And
you
refused.
There
is
something
sinister
in
you.
He
broke
off
and
lathered
again
lightly
his
farther
cheek.
A
tolerant
smile
curled
his
lips.
--
But
a
lovely
mummer,
he
murmured
to
himself.
Kinch,
the
loveliest
mummer
of
them
all.
He
shaved
evenly
and
with
care,
in
silence,
seriously.
Stephen,
an
elbow
rested
on
the
jagged
granite,
leaned
his
palm
against
his
brow
and
gazed
at
the
fraying
edge
of
his
shiny
black
coat-sleeve.
Pain,
that
was
not
yet
the
pain
of
love,
fretted
his
heart.
Silently,
in
a
dream
she
had
come
to
him
after
her
death,
her
wasted
body
within
its
loose
brown
grave-clothes
giving
off
an
odour
of
wax
and
rosewood,
her
breath,
that
had
bent
upon
him,
mute,
reproachful,
a
faint
odour
of
wetted
ashes.
Across
the
threadbare
cuffedge
he
saw
the
sea
hailed
as
a
great
sweet
mother
by
the
well-fed
voice
beside
him.
The
ring
of
bay
and
skyline
held
a
dull
green
mass
of
liquid.
A
bowl
of
white
china
had
stood
beside
her
deathbed
holding
the
green
sluggish
bile
which
she
had
torn
up
from
her
rotting
liver
by
fits
of
loud
groaning
vomiting.
Buck
Mulligan
wiped
again
his
razorblade.
--
Ah,
poor
dogsbody,
he
said
in
a
kind
voice.
I
must
give
you
a
shirt
and
few
noserags.
How
are
the
secondhand
breeks?
--
They
fit
well
enough,
Stephen
answered.
Buck
Mulligan
attacked
the
hollow
beneath
his
underlip.
--
The
mockery
of
it,
he
said
contentedly,
secondleg
they
should
be.
God
knows
what
poxy
bowsy
left
them
off.
I
have
a
lovely
pair
with
a
hair
stripe,
grey.
You'll
look
spiffing
in
them.
I'm
not
joking,
Kinch.
You
look
damn
well
when
you're
dressed.
--
Thanks,
Stephen
said.
I
can't
wear
them
if
they
are
grey.
--
He
can't
wear
them,
Buck
Mulligan
told
his
face
in
the
mirror.
Etiquette
is
etiquette.
He
kills
his
mother
but
he
can't
wear
grey
trousers.
He
folded
his
razor
neatly
and
with
stroking
palps
of
fingers
felt
the
smooth
skin.
Stephen
turned
his
gaze
from
the
sea
and
to
the
plump
face
with
its
smokeblue
mobile
eyes.
--
That
fellow
I
was
with
in
the
Ship
last
night,
said
Buck
Mulligan,
says
you
have
g.p.i.
He's
up
in
Dottyville
with
Conolly
Norman.
General
paralysis
of
the
insane.
He
swept
the
mirror
a
half
circle
in
the
air
to
flash
the
tidings
abroad
in
sunlight
now
radiant
on
the
sea.
His
curling
shaven
lips
laughed
and
the
edges
of
his
white
glittering
teeth.
Laughter
seized
all
his
strong
wellknit
trunk.
--
Look
at
yourself,
he
said,
you
dreadful
bard.
Stephen
bent
forward
and
peered
at
the
mirror
held
out
to
him,
cleft
by
a
crooked
crack,
hair
on
end.
As
he
and
others
see
me.
Who
chose
this
face
for
me?
This
dogsbody
to
rid
of
vermin.
It
asks
me
too.
--
I
pinched
it
out
of
the
skivvy's
room,
Buck
Mulligan
said.
It
does
her
all
right.
The
aunt
always
keeps
plain-looking
servants
for
Malachi.
Lead
him
not
into
temptation.
And
her
name
is
Ursula.
Laughing
again,
he
brought
the
mirror
away
from
Stephen's
peering
eyes.
--
The
rage
of
Caliban
at
not
seeing
his
face
in
a
mirror,
he
said.
If
Wilde
were
only
alive
to
see
you.
Drawing
back
and
pointing,
Stephen
said
with
bitterness:
--
It
is
a
symbol
of
Irish
art.
The
cracked
lookingglass
of
a
Buck
Mulligan
suddenly
linked
his
arm
in
Stephen's
and
walked
with
him
round
the
tower,
his
razor
and
mirror
clacking
in
the
pocket
where
he
had
thrust
them.
--
It's
not
fair
to
tease
you
like
that,
Kinch,
is
it?
he
said
kindly.
God
knows
you
have
more
spirit
than
any
of
them.
Parried
again.
He
fears
the
lancet
of
my
art
as
I
fear
that
of
his.
The
cold
steelpen.
--
Cracked
lookingglass
of
a
servant.
Tell
that
to
the
oxy
chap
downstairs
and
touch
him
for
a
guinea.
He's
stinking
with
money
and
thinks
you're
not
a
gentleman.
His
old
fellow
made
his
tin
by
selling
jalap
to
Zulus
or
some
bloody
swindle
or
other.
God,
Kinch,
if
you
and
I
could
only
work
together
we
might
do
something
for
the
island.
Hellenise
it.
Cranly's
arm.
His
arm.
--
And
to
think
of
your
having
to
beg
from
these
swine.
I'm
the
only
one
that
knows
what
you
are.
Why
don't
you
trust
me
more?
What
have
you
up
your
nose
against
me?
Is
it
Haines?
If
he
makes
any
noise
here
I'll
bring
down
Seymour
and
we'll
give
him
a
ragging
worse
than
they
gave
Clive
Kempthorpe.
Young
shouts
of
moneyed
voices
in
Clive
Kempthorpe's
rooms.
Palefaces:
they
hold
their
ribs
with
laughter,
one
clasping
another,
O,
I
shall
expire!
Break
the
news
to
her
gently,
Aubrey!
I
shall
die!
With
slit
ribbons
of
his
shirt
whipping
the
air
he
hops
and
hobbles
round
the
table,
with
trousers
down
at
heels,
chased
by
Ades
of
Magdalen
with
the
tailor's
shears.
A
scared
calf's
face
gilded
with
marmalade.
I
don't
want
to
be
debagged!
Don't
you
play
the
giddy
ox
with
me!
Shouts
from
the
open
window
startling
evening
in
the
quadrangle.
A
deaf
gardener,
aproned,
masked
with
Matthew
Arnold's
face,
pushes
his
mower
on
the
sombre
lawn
watching
narrowly
the
dancing
motes
of
grasshalms.
To
ourselves...
new
paganism...
omphalos.
--
Let
him
stay,
Stephen
said.
There's
nothing
wrong
with
him
except
at
night.
--
Then
what
is
it?
Buck
Mulligan
asked
impatiently.
Cough
it
up.
I'm
quite
frank
with
you.
What
have
you
against
me
now?
They
halted,
looking
towards
the
blunt
cape
of
Bray
Head
that
lay
on
the
water
like
the
snout
of
a
sleeping
whale.
Stephen
freed
his
arm
quietly.
--
Do
you
wish
me
to
tell
you?
he
asked.
--
Yes,
what
is
it?
Buck
Mulligan
answered.
I
don't
remember
anything.
He
looked
in
Stephen's
face
as
he
spoke.
A
light
wind
passed
his
brow,
fanning
softly
his
fair
uncombed
hair
and
stirring
silver
points
of
anxiety
in
his
eyes.
Stephen,
depressed
by
his
own
voice,
said:
--
Do
you
remember
the
first
day
I
went
to
your
house
after
my
mother's
death?
Buck
Mulligan
frowned
quickly
and
said:
--
What?
Where?
I
can't
remember
anything.
I
remember
only
ideas
and
sensations.
Why?
What
happened
in
the
name
of
God?
--
You
were
making
tea,
Stephen
said,
and
I
went
across
the
landing
to
get
more
hot
water.
Your
mother
and
some
visitor
came